- Genuinely smile as much as possible around the children and in general.
- Create moments that encourage laughter as much as possible, let the children in on the joke.
- Be honest with them as much as they can tolerate; show them that they can always trust you.
- Notice their true selves and always make it known that you accept whoever they are.
- If someone spills or breaks something, including yourself, a cheerful "Ut-oh" and then proceeding to quickly clean it up is the best way to help them be relaxed in the face of small disasters.
- Create a confident and calm atmosphere in the face of not-so-small disasters. This shows them that we can handle anything, no matter how scary, as a family, and that they can too.
- Talk to them in an endearing and affectionate way.
- Take care of them as though they were your own children, because, in fact, anyone in your care is your child, just as all children in the world are all of our children and should be looked after and loved.
- If you are a step-parent, always keep them aware of their love for their other parent who they are not currently with. This lets them know that it is ok for them to love both parents and that you do not expect them to pick sides in the divorce. This is not only the best thing for the children, but it is the right thing to do.
- When you make it known that you accept their love for their birth mother, it makes it ok for them to love you, as their step-mother, and for there to be no conflict regarding this in their minds.
- When there is question in their minds about whether they should accept love from or give love to a step-parent, assure them that it is always better to have more people that care about you than less, and it does not make the love available for their birth parents any less.
The joy that I have gained from being a step-parent has greatly enhanced my confidence that I can make the provisions necessary to be a great parent, even in the face of great hardship and distress.
Sincerely,
Jerusha
